Could it be this long since I've decided I've had nothing to say?
Nothing wrong with that. Often I feel people have way too much to say, when they really have nothing to say at all. I'm happy to be here, dropping seeds that nobody needs. There's a freedom in writing to no one but yourself.
Freedom - so elusive. So false. So coated with b.s. Thinking you are free isn't freedom. Thinking is stinking, to quote an ascended master friend of mine.
I Googled myself. Don't do it. Except that it brought me to my own blog that I'd forgotten about. I think I was a little ashamed of it, for whatever reason - trying to still be a normal person in the normal world, drinking the Kool-Aid of normality. Then for whatever drunken reason I Googled my own name and found my own wisdom, sitting here quietly, undiscovered, seemingly unremarkable.
And I like it. I like what I've read. I like me. That's not something that has been very easy to say and really mean it without any makyo*.
(*Makyo is a word that describes all the light-weight spiritual drivel and fluffy unsubstantial pablum that people use to pass for true mastery. You know, it started with "Have a Nice Day!!" I'll have just the kind of day I feel like thank you very much. It continues with the proliferation of co-opting deep spiritual disciplines into groovy gluten free sound and video bites - "Namaste y'all!")
Could be why I've not posted a blog post for years. I came to the realization recently that this world is not mine. So why would I want to say to the world "Hey, I don't care anymore!"? As a devotee of Gaia, and as a lover of nature as the only thing worth worshiping besides myself, to give up on Mother Nature is anathema to all that I've ever thought about myself.
And yet, when I finally accepted a total release of responsibility for this world - indeed, when I truly stopped caring - I suddenly felt a freedom like I'd never experienced before. It's not what you think. I didn't begin acting in ways that were destructive. I didn't hate. I just gave up my sense of responsibility and my deep connection to my beloved - this awesome planet Earth. The part of me that hurt deeply and continuously by the ignorance that would destroy all that makes this place worth living.
I finally realized that it's not mine. Gaia, the energy spirit of Earth, is Her own sacred and sovereign being. And just like I wouldn't dream of meddling in the experiences chosen by any of my human brethren, I suddenly was able to correlate that to my most beloved - the last thing that has kept me here - filled with (so called) caring and worry and despair for Gaia. I walked into work and said to a knowing friend, "This isn't my world anymore.". I didn't even know what I meant fully at the time. It felt like I'd given up to despair and I wondered how much of a downer was I?? Though I knew that wasn't it at all.
The wisdom later came to me that I had simply released Gaia from the tyranny of my expectations. And Freedom followed. My connection with Gaia is more sensual and honest then ever before.
I love Gaia as much as ever. Without the pain now. Without it depending on my fellow human, politicians, manufacturers, big car drivers, polluters, destroyers behaving disrespectfully towards Her. Go ahead. I'm releasing it being my responsibility to correct these evils. Gaia is just fine. As for those living here unconsciously, well....
Taking care of Isness.
Master Blaster Aster (knickname from a co-worker)
The Most Beautiful World In The World
Harry Nilsson (oh how I miss this thoroughly odd and delightful fellow - and best neighbourhood friend Kurt Zanzerl who first played this song for me.)
I love the way you wear your trees.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wm9wrglpOn
